So, having debated blogging for a while I am going to give it a try.
I am writing this now during this time alone when JB is in with his “talking doctor”. Yes, it is another appointment that is added the the long list but we figure that there will come a point when a talking doctor will be necessary and we want him to be comfortable about going.
JB is now 6 years old and a big Kindergartener. With a small amount of coaxing each morning he gets on the school bus with all the kids. It is a long ride there and I don’t actually want to think about what they are learning or hearing on the bus. The worst I have heard so far is someone spitting on JB and the constant singing of what does the fox say. Say it fast and you will know why I was a bit shocked when Caroline and JB sang it to me!
JB is such a typical 6 year old boy. Bathroom talk is the most appreciated form of humor. He LOVES sports! We watch everything on TV from golf to bruins and he watches every minute. Of course football is his favorite right now in the midst of the BC Eagles season. We have gone to all the games and a bunch of practices. I even consulted Ian and Steele about whether to cut JB's hair before school pictures. They said to keep the flow!
He also enjoys “the silly behavior” in the classroom and “imitates it often” as his teacher said.
Last week right before bed he had a confession. I like the catholic guilt kicking in at a young age.
Here is the conversation while putting pjs on:
JB “you know kids say bad words”
Me “yes, who said a bad word”
JB pointing at his chest “I did”
Me “what did you say”
JB “I said shut up”
ME “to a teacher or kid” (not knowing which would have been worse)
JB “a kid”
Me “who?”
JB “It cooooouuuuuulllld have been (my best buddy)”
The kids have been in school for over a month with the start before labor day. I was not a happy camper leaving the cape but feel like we are really in the swing of things most days.
Yesterday was not one of those days. I went in to help in JB’s class which was a learning experience for me. These little kindergartners have a lot expected of them! There are definitely a few funny stories from my hour there and I cant wait to go back but I see why he is exhausted every day. It is hard work and it is full day!
When I went back to pick him up at 2:50 (so he doesn’t have the ride on the bus home) I was a bit later than usual after pulling over to chat to a mother looking at the Dover schools. I am always amazed that in these nice towns you get such poor cell coverage!
To pick up you have to park your car and go stand in line in the cafeteria to sign your kids out. My theory is they purposely make it a pain so you don’t do it.
My friend was well in front of me and came to get me saying that JB was crying when he was walking to the kids waiting room. Yep, you see them walk by but you cant actually get them then.
He had fallen at the recess right before the end of school. It was a small cut but he just couldn’t get a grip.
There I am in the middle of the lobby with a hysterical JB...still needing to get Caroline and take her to CCD (thankfully her CCD teacher saved the day and picked her up and took her so I could just take JB into the car).
JB is not the only kid who would have been hysterical after a fall at the end of the day. Alot of kids are really tired at the end of the day. The pick up line is riddled with Kindergarten parents picking their kids up because the bus ride is too much at the end of the day.
I’m not sure if it was the fall, seeing all my little guy is doing at school, delayed reaction to his birthday, it is really hard to celebrate with your son who has duchenne I tell you, but I let myself go where I never let myself go. I started to feel sorry for myself (why is this sooo hard), for JB (maybe we are pushing him to much), for Caroline (I couldn’t take the time to get her where she needed to go), for Jeff (by the time he gets home I am so spent I don’t even want to talk let alone make a second dinner....ok i admit I actually don’t feel bad about Jeff's dinner), for JB’s friends (they always have to wait for him) and back to JB (his face was still stained with tears on the couch watching nick jr.).
I also beat myself up. Jeff and I share decisions about JB but most of the time I lead the way having more time to investigate and talking with the doctors.
Should we cut back on the steroids? Is that why he is waking up in the middle of the night? Is he short tempered because of the medication or would he be a turd to Caroline anyway? Should we be delving out time-outs when he can’t control himself? I have never used his behavior as an excuse or a cause for his behavior, should I? Should we modify his day at school? Am I not accepting that JB has special needs by letting him play with all the other kids and neighbors even when I think he is tired? We shouldn’t have gone to that party on saturday after the game. We shouldn’t have let him stay up to see the bruins start their first game.....and so on
Wait, maybe this is why I don’t blog because it is depressing and is depressing to the possibly one person who will read this!
So, I gave in a bit, I called my dad to pick Caroline up. I cancelled a 6 o’clock PT session for JB. I let myself have a couple glasses of wine last night. I went back to bed (with my computer “to work”) after the kids got on the bus. I am trying to get someone to walk Caroline to the car with her friends so JB doesn’t have to get out of the car after this appointment. Instead of going shopping for a new dress I just ordered a few online and will return the ones I don’t like. I got a fountain diet coke from McDonalds and the sandwich wrap for lunch (I contemplated fries but that is really throwing the towel in on the day) Some days you just have to not try to do it all. I sense that the 2nd dinner for Jeff wont happen tonight either.
